1. No, airplane toilets do not just empty out into the sky during a flight.  That’s illegal on so many levels.  If you’d stop talking for a minute, I’d tell you my dad’s a pilot and I know what I’m talking about.
  2. THE DIAPERS YOU’RE PUTTING THE 2 YEAR OLD IN ARE TOO BIG.
  3. You’re extremely rude to your girlfriend whenever I see you.  Also, you’re on speaker phone.
  4. I love how you always know when to bring ice cream home with you.
  5. Please invite me for an interview. Please invite me for an interview. Please invite me for an interview. Please invite me for an interview. Please invite me for an interview. Please invite me for an interview. Please invite me for an interview. Please invite me for an interview.
  6. Your brother is not a plant.
  7. I wish I were more awake so I could tell you to call out of work and snuggle with me a while longer.
  8. Please invite me for an interview.
  9. When I say I don’t know anything about football, I really really mean it.  It just looks like a bunch of men in tight pants running at each other.
  10. Can we watch Muppet Treasure Island instead?
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