I’m the kind of sad that only being run over by a truck and being given copious amounts of painkillers for a month of not leaving the downstairs of my house would help. (FYI: That totally happened in my last relationship.)

So the brief version: We were together for ten months.  It was very serious.  He wanted to move in together, I wanted to wait.  He wanted to get engaged.  For goodness sake he wanted to talk baby names on one of our first dates.  The Thursday before Easter he told me “we need a break,” and broke up with me that Saturday.  He said he “wasn’t ready for something this serious” and wanted “to be 25 and free.”  By the end of the weekend I’d told him he could have 3 months to be young and stupid, and then we could reassess the situation.  Over the next month he tells me he misses me, that he’s been really “emotional” (a word he uses to describe everything from the movie “Avatar” to pizza.).

We’re finishing up week 8/12 and…It’s been a week since The Boy texted me.  As of Sunday it’ll be 3 weeks since he called.  I know him, and I know this is bad.  I had expected him to call last weekend because it would have been our one year…but nope.  Part of me is scared he’s found someone else, but then I remember how (adorably, to me) awkward he was on our first date.

He tells me he spends his weekends getting too drunk and then waking up hungover and miserable. I know it’s been three weeks and he might feel differently.  Maybe he’s doing better.  I really have no idea.  I do know he had a pretty big disappointment with work recently, so I assume he’s at least a little down.

Oh, and he’s been living alone with his mentally handicapped cat for the past month, which I assume is lonely.

I get so frustrated with this whole situation.  This whole situation feels so…stupid.  There was nothing wrong with our relationship (something he admitted when ending it), we both miss each other, the past two months have majorly sucked…so what the fuck are we doing?  I understand being scared of the rest of your life.  God knows I am.  I’m 22 and have virtually no idea what I’m doing with my life.  It seems crazy to end something when it’s still good because you’re scared you’re going to miss out on partying while you’re young.

I’m quite lonely, though I’m making an effort to go out and be with my friends.  But honestly, all it’s doing is making me feel lonelier.  My best friend is married, and I really have nothing in common with my other friends anymore.

I just want my stupid relationship back.